Sometimes you just have to sit back and wonder how it is that the human head doesn’t routinely explode.  We cram it full of information for at least 13 years, usually more, then we fill it with so much stress and pressure and garbage that it seems impossible that the skull would keep from cracking and ultimately shattering into millions of sub-molecular particles.

I can’t help but think of Mt. St. Helens or Mount Vesuvius and wonder what insignificant event is going to trigger a storm of debris emanating from my head and landing on every surface for miles around.  I only hope that no one is caught and buried in the ash.

The fire is swirling
building to an inferno
a crescendo
The smoke stings
my eyes, my nose, my pride
I wait for the ashes to crumble
but they last longer than expected
When will the rain come?
I long for its cold
for its ironic sense of humor
and refreshing point of view

Someone just pulled the rug out from under my feet.  I’m staring at the ceiling from the flat of my back stunned by the rapidity and violence of the act.  The first question that comes to mind is this: What exactly were the steps that led up to this hurtful betrayal?  According to my sometimes dull and ineffective perceptions, the universe existed in harmony up until this very moment.  Like a quite unexpected bolt from a clear sky my world has turned and crumbled, and I feel helpless to restore it to its previously perceived bliss and peacefulness.  Oh self-deceiving illusion of happiness and contentment, my friend and confidant–how far you’ve carried me!  It’s just a bit farther….

I was standing in the field with the wind swirling around me
When suddenly the world disappeared.
At first I was horrified at the thought of a complete vacuum
And the prospect of perpetual solitude.
But after a moment I began to consider the absolute peace
With which I was surrounded
The ability to be alone with my completely uninterrupted thoughts.
Gradually, my uneasiness passed.
I began to slip into a state of relaxation unlike any I had previously experienced.
Here, at last, I had found that for which I had spent years searching.

I look at the people just wandering around in this world and I have to wonder what makes up their lives.  Are they consumed by the constant pursuit of possessions?  Do they truly love their families, or do they just tolerate them based on some societal expectation?  Are they just waiting for some excuse to start ripping their hair out in response to the insanity that surrounds them?  It’s difficult for me to understand how the world continues on day after day when it is so obviously falling apart.  Father, we need a clean slate.  A fresh start.  Our hearts are aching for your return.  Father, my arms are open wide.  Come inside.

I DEFY YOU!

I defy you and your
distorted presentation of masculinity.

My identity is not defined
by a half-pound of beef or
by my success in the “meat market”.

I am a man, but not because
my automobile gets 6mpg
and not because I consume
an approximately equivalent amount of alcohol.

I am free from your control.
From your manipulation.

I defy you.

Hahaha!
HaHaHa!
HaHaHAhaHa!
Did that sound maniacal?
I hope so, because I meant it to.
Does that make me crazy?
Is that wrong?
I’m not sure, but it feels so good.
So where do I go from here?
Time will tell,
But I think it can only get better.

The worst thing about it
Is that it’s all my fault.
How do I fix it?
How do I put the pieces back together?

I hate puzzles.

Father, take it from my hands.
Take it and make it new.
Make it strong, make it useful.
Make it to reflect your light.
I want to shine like the sun.