Lost in Space

I was having an email conversation with my brother last night when the topic came up about my frustration in pretty much failing to complete anything in my life in the last ten years.  I have bounced around from career to job to career without ever really becoming proficient at any of it.  In light of this,  I thought it would be entertaining to list every career or job I have seriously considered, pursued or done.  Here they are, in general chronological order:

  • paleontologist
  • lawn mower
  • valve factory worker
  • pizza cook
  • printing factory distribution center worker
  • journalist
  • photojournalist
  • musician
  • metal fabricator
  • plexiglass fabricator
  • powder coater
  • linguist
  • missionary
  • carpenter
  • professor
  • professional student
  • teacher
  • artist
  • photographer
  • stay-at-home parent
  • writer
  • minister

In some ways all of these things made me into a well-rounded person, but mostly they have just left me frustrated.  I have spent all of this time trying to find my true place in the world and for whatever reason I have failed at or quit nearly every one of the things listed above.

I have recently felt that God is pushing me toward something new and important.  The only problem is that I can’t figure out what it is.  I don’t think it’s any of the things I have already tried, but who knows?  I’ve come to realize that many of these failures are a result of me trying to fix my life myself and making a wrong turn.  Maybe God has called me to be a wanderer and just touch down briefly in all of these areas, but I’m not so sure about that.  I’m trying to sit back and ask God to lead me, but in some ways I’ve lost confidence in my ability to listen.

My prevailing theory is that God has led me to all of these places for a reason, and that I’ll be able to use all of that variety of experience I have gained for something bigger in the future.  But maybe not.  I just have to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open, and pray that I can keep myself out of God’s way.

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